We are familiar with “Red Letter Editions” of the Bible that highlight the words of Jesus. In this parody, I have contrasted ten of Jesus’ teachings with what I’ve called the Gold Letter Edition (GLE) of the Empire Deluxe Version (EDV), re-imagining them as though he had spoken with the posture of a king determined to lead an empire to victory. This is the kind of leader many expected and desired.
But Jesus, God incarnate, turned such expectations upside down through his humble entrance into the world, his servant leadership, and his ultimate self-giving love.
The following ten imagined “translations” are a lament, not a lampoon. I wrote them with a heavy heart, wondering how the gospel might sound if stripped of compassion and shaped by power, privilege, or indifference. Writing them left me heartsick, even nauseated, and that grief is the point. May that same unease lead us to the true heart of Jesus. May his words penetrate our hearts and transform our whole way of being.
For when we forget this heart, even devotion can harden into defense, and love can shrink to those who look or think like us. When that happens, the good news loses its goodness. These contrasts are meant to help us hear again the scandalous mercy of Jesus, the One who welcomes the stranger, lifts the lowly, and loves without measure.
Luke 4:18-19 Jesus’ Ministry Announcement
| Actual Scripture | GLE (Imagined Gold Letter Edition) EDV (Empire Deluxe Version) |
| “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” | “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to secure our nation’s strength. The poor must learn responsibility; the weary should fend for themselves. I have come to protect what is ours, preserve our borders, and proclaim a season of favor for the faithful few.” |
Luke 6:27-31 Love for Enemies
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.” | “Defend yourself from your enemies; hate and punish them. Reward those who think as you do. Return favor for favor, suspicion for suspicion. Give only to those who can repay. If someone takes something of yours, make them suffer. Do to others according to how they can benefit you, and call it justice.” |
Matthew 5:3-9 The Beatitudes
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. | “Blessed are the confident and self-sufficient, for they need nothing. Blessed are those who keep their comforts, for they shall remain undisturbed. Blessed are the experts, who no longer need to learn. Blessed are those who stand their ground, showing strength through anger, for they will keep control. Pity the merciful, they will be taken advantage of. Stir up trouble and retaliate, when people disagree with you.” |
Luke 10:33-35 The Good Samaritan
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| “But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’” | “A man fell among thieves, and travelers passed by. One saw him and thought, ‘He must have made poor choices.’ Another feared trouble and crossed the road. A third said, ‘My charity belongs to my own people…not my problem’ and hurried on. And so the man lay alone, left for dead.” |
Matthew 25:35-39 The Sheep and the Goats
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? | “I was hungry, and you told me to work harder. I was a stranger, and you tightened the gate. I was sick and in prison, and you sent “thoughts and prayers” from a safe distance. And you asked, ‘Lord, when did we see you?’ And the answer was silence.” |
Matthew 14:18-20 Feeding the Five Thousand
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| “Bring them here to me,” he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. “ | “He divided the bread among his supporters first, saying, ‘There is only so much to go around.’ The rest watched from the edge of the crowd and learned the lesson of scarcity.” |
Matthew 21:12-13 Jesus at the Temple
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| “Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. ‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it a den of robbers.” | “Jesus entered the temple courts and saw the merchants thriving. He admired their enterprise and said, ‘You have made the Lord’s work efficient.’ He invited them to expand operations, adding tables for greater profit and branding the coins with His name. ‘The house of prayer must also sustain the economy and turn a profit, from which I can benefit.’” |
John 13:34-35 The New Command
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” | “Love your own as long as they remain loyal. Show courtesy to outsiders if it serves your cause. This will prove you are righteous: your unity in uniformity, your harmony in sameness.” |
Matthew 6:9-13 The Lord’s Prayer
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one… | “Our Father of this blessed land, honored be our banner. May our dominion come, our will be done, on earth as we decree. Give us today our due reward, as we increase penalties for debtors. When we succumb to temptation, keep us from getting caught. For ours is the power, the border, and the pride.” |
Luke 11:39-41 The Inside of the Cup
| Scripture | GLE, EDV |
| “Then the Lord said to him, “Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? But now as for what is inside you—be generous to the poor, and everything will be clean for you.” | “Polish the outside of the cup until it gleams with success. Keep the inside for ambition and pride, they are the fuel of progress. Take the best seat. Give to charity for appearance’s sake, but keep your heart for yourself. Honor comes to those who shine, not to those who serve.” |
Closing Reflection
The real Jesus invites us away from this parody toward something deeper, an interior kingdom where mercy outshines might, and love, not power, defines greatness. May reading these inverted verses unsettle us back into His way, as we follow him… Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness. Php 2:6-7
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