Part 1:

Why did you decide at your stage of life to go back to school?

As I look back, I honestly believe God was calling me to this new path. If you had told me ten years ago that I would be a doctoral candidate as I near my seventh decade of life, I would probably have laughed. But God had plans for me. Though I have been a Christian for over 55 years and in the ministry for over forty-five years,  I longed to grow deeper in my walk with God and service to others. I entered seminary in 2018, when I was sixty-four years old. I was drawn to the study of spiritual formation, deeply believing that too many Christians go through motions of religion while lacking the depth and joy coming from intimacy with God. They long for more. I longed for more. I desired to learn further ways to grow toward the image of Christ and delight in our relationship. I love to learn, and though I had read and studied my Bible for decades, I thrilled to the deeper teachings I learned through my biblical studies classes. I savored and put into practice what I learned in my spiritual formation studies.

God answered many prayers encouraging me to pursue this venture. During my studies, I was working in the ministry and providing care for my wonderful husband, who passed from a progressive neurological disease called Multiple System Atrophy in November 2019. It was an extremely difficult time. In some ways, as I studied during the late hours of night until the wee hours of the morning while in our room by my husband’s hospital bed, the ability to learn and do something that could be completed was therapeutic. My studies, combined with daily life and suffering, not only drew me into a more intimate relationship with God but also put on my heart a desire to keep learning. I thrive best when learning new things.

I believe I am called to teach. It feels good to know my calling…. it’s something I feel that God gifted me. When I teach, I feel my heart sing. For over forty years, as a women’s minister, I have taught the Bible to those wishing to develop faith or to grow in their faith, helping them apply biblical teachings and principles to their daily lives and taught workshops and classes in various countries. I also love to teach through writing, having authored numerous books.

As an older woman, I have experienced many transitions in life. I had a loving marriage of forty-five years, raised four children including a young teen we adopted from Eastern Europe. I have changed jobs, moved, lost parents, and strangely was held at knife-point and struck by lightning.  I went through several years of caregiving as I watched my husband lose all function from a neurodegenerative disease, became a widow, retired, and moved. I now enjoy adult relationships with my children and enjoy being Nana to eight grandchildren, My varied experiences allow me to relate to various ages and backgrounds. At this stage of my life, I still desire to help change the world for Christ. I love Jesus more than ever. I long to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.

God answered so many specific prayers as I sought His guidance about this decision to go back to school. I realized it was also a financial commitment and told God if He thought this was a good idea then I needed His help to provide the resources. A week later, a business that had been in my mother’s family for over a century suddenly sold. My inherited portion of the sale was the exact amount of money that it would take to complete my Masters and doctorate. I think God said “yes.” Also, before Wyndham died he expressed his pleasure with my desires.

Why spiritual formation? What is it? How did you benefit and how can what you have learned benefit others?

Spiritual formation is the process of God working in our lives to transform us into His image for the sake of others. It is something like the difference in our effort, such as in  rowing a boat versus putting up sails to let God’s Spirit carry us. We make ourselves ready and available through spiritual disciplines for God through His Spirit to transform us. We learn to find spiritual rhythms of life so that we can be still with God and hear him, building intimacy with Him that refreshes, directs, and fills us in every way. We often let busyness, ego, and the noise of life keep us from truly walking with God and finding rest for our souls. Spiritual formation is wholistic. We let God transform us in ever-increasing glory through our love for God and our unity with his Spirit, transforming our emotions, our relationships, our intellect, our life purpose, our calling, our physical health, and our stewardship. That covers a lot of areas. I want to offer workshops, teaching, training, and writing that help people bring these areas to Jesus, letting Him transform them all. While I have learned some excellent tools and ways of thinking, I believe they are only useful if they help me and others draw closer to God.

Have you enjoyed it?  Immensely. As I learn, write, and teach I feel the pleasure of God. I thrill to learn, to be closer to God, and to serve others more effectively. I have been blessed with outstanding professors, and even though I primarily study online, my partnerships with fellow students have led to wonderful friendships. As I sat by Wyndham’s side during most of my Masters’ program,  since he could not talk I would tell him things I was learning and read him my papers, which he enjoyed. He was proud of me for this endeavor, which means so much to me. His encouragement spurred me on, and my studies during the hardest season of my life were strangely, a sort of lifeline for me.

If you could summarize, what are the main things you took away?

It’s good to reflect on this question. The rate of learning is so fast that at times I felt like I was drinking from this (pix or video of fire hydrant. Most of all, I learned to learn. I learned to think critically.  I realize that as I learn, I must stop to reflect and apply what I am learning to my life, otherwise it is of little value. I also realize that knowledge is helpful, but only if it is meant to make me more Christlike, more loving.  I certainlyl learned how much I don’t know and how judgmental I have been. The windows of my perspective are clearer, and I have let go of the fear of questioning. The Bible can stand up to questions. I am much more equipped to know and share my core biblical and life convictions and have also better learned the thought processes of those who share some differing core convictions. I have learned from so many people, and strive to treat them with respect and personal vulnerability.

I have read more books than I can count, and have grown from each one.

What classes did you take? Would you give me a highlight or two from each course?

I didn’t realize that all grad students took a required writing class at the beginning of their learning journey. I thought I was a decent writer but learned just how much growth I needed. I had never learned to write in a scholarly way. I loved this course and realized that I am indeed a nerd. I enjoy reading the Chicago Manual of Style, which is a sure give-away of nerdiness. I learned to write with greater clarity, cohesiveness, cogency, and conciseness. Cogency is persuasiveness. Those 4 C’s were great tips to remember since grad school requires a tremendous amount of writing. For my master’s program I took the following classes:

Spiritual Formation: This class allowed me to take an assessment of my own spiritual life and go back to my core convictions, assuring my spiritual life is built from the inside out. It was good to think through and write out my core convictions, for out of our convictions our faith and life are built. The class also called us to examine specific areas where we might find hidden sin.  I gained a much from an assigned book called The Kingdom Life: A Practical Theology of Discipleship and Spiritual Formation by Alan Andrews and was introduced to writers on spiritual formation like Dallas Willard, Richard Foster, and classical writers like Bernard of Clairvaux, Teresa of Avila, and Julian of Norwich. I learned the benefits of practicing Lectio Divina (a reflective way to read scriptures) and the Spiritual Examen, a reflective prayer and evaluation done at the end of each day. These practices have strengthened my spiritual life. I reflected on about 7 or 8 questions each week: Here is a sampling of some of these thought-provoking questions. I share the top ten questions that were most helpful for me to think through:

1. Explain what the Kingdom of God means to your own personal life.
2. What is the difference between a convert to Christianity and a disciple of Christ?
3. What are two things that explain why spiritual formation is a lifelong process?
4. What is the difference between trying and training?
5. Are you aware of any areas of personal woundedness or brokenness in your life?  If so, how have you dealt with them up to this point?
6. “Within the Christian church, we have tended to define spiritual growth as disengagement from the world rather than engagement with the world. We often measure spiritual growth and formation as an increase in cognitive knowledge about God or religious activities (greater knowledge of Scripture, a disciplined prayer life, weekly church attendance).” Why is this concept of spiritual growth fallacious?
7. Think about your life: what is the Lord saying to you about ways you can practically demonstrate care for the least and the lost and the forgotten?
8. What are two false illusions that I must dispose of to embrace mission as critical to my spiritual formation?
9. Explain: What is the relationship between the work of the Holy Spirit and our own effort in spiritual formation?
10. Why do churches and ministries so often lose the essence of their founding vision, to the point that the resulting institution, years later, is quite unlike the original dream? What happens along the way?

Some of my most memorable assignments included taking time (hours) to be silent and still, able to truly commune with God. I was assigned a spiritual retreat, which I have since decided to make a monthly habit. I answered reflective questions, including a reflection of things I thought God might say to me at this time. As I wrote these thoughts, my heart connected deeply with God, and I cried many tears. As I was walking the beach singing, praying, and enjoying God I thought, “I’d pay someone to have an assignment like this.” I then realized I did pay someone 😊, but nevertheless, it was worth more than tuition. I reflected on and wrote my spiritual autobiography, which was helpful in recognizing certain embedded theologies I carried and helped me review relationships, transitions, and circumstances that influence me.  I researched and reflected on thought-provoking questions, such as the ones listed above.  During this class I also assessed, through the help of a test, my motivational spiritual gifts profile. My top gift set was administrator (leadership), followed by near-equal scores for exhorter and teacher.

We can only grow from the inside out. Our growth begins with our faith, personal holiness and the Spirit’s work in our life as we make our lives ready and available for His work. Transformation is forged through our involvement with God’s Word, engagement in the community of Christ in relationships with other Christians, and through the missional heart of Christ as we follow Him. It is refined through suffering.  Spiritual formation is a life-long process that evades every part of our being—our heart, mind, soul, and strength. 

The theology of spiritual formation flows from the Trinitarian nature of God. This nature is loving, full of grace, relational, mutually submissive and completely united in will. Spiritual formation is dependent on the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. The Spirit indwells, fills, gifts, guides, and gives people everything they need to live life in the church and in the world. Spiritual formation is based on the Bible, which is our source of truth—guiding us, teaching us spiritual disciplines, and modeling spirituality.

Hermeneutics: Oh how I loved this class. It opened my eyes to the beautifully woven tapestry of Scripture from Genesis to Revelation. It helped me see the forest before noting the trees and helped me see God’s redemptive story from the beginning. I gained a greater appreciation for the rich treasures in God’s Word. I came to understand the importance of not only historical context and word meaning, but cultural context and the different genres of the Scriptures. I also realized I had some faulty understandings of interpreting scriptures. I learned to exegete scriptures, which was the focus of most of my assignments. Finding the original meaning of a passage is fascinating. In one sense it is like watching a NE Patriots replay to see if the ball passes the plain or one’s foot was out of bounds. In another sense, it is like seeing the entire stadium through the lens of the Goodyear blimp.

I learned about the canonization of Scriptures, which simply strengthened my faith in the Word of God. I learned about interpreting scriptures through the lens of  biblical theology (how a prominent theme of the passage is viewed and understood from a canonical perspective), through a systematic theology perspective (the contemporary meaning of the scripture), and practical theology (how do I obey and how does my community respond?) I viewed scriptures through their historical/literary context. I viewed scriptures through significant themes such as God’s divine provision of substitutionary atonement, Isaiah and the suffering servants, John’s announcement to behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world, in comparison to the lambs of many sacrifices of old (Jn 1:28-30).  Systematic theology arranges these themes logically, philosophically, and according to a modern systemic pattern. Biblical theology is viewed from a canonical perspective (how the Bible is put together) and takes the emphasis of the biblical writers to gather them into themes that tell God’s story, linking the OT and NT together. It integrates and develops silent theological themes of redemptive history. Systematic theology takes the fruits of exegesis and biblical theology to formulate doctrine. Practical theology asks how we are obeying the scriptures, how is my faith community responding. Applying the text to daily life.

Two of the books I read for this class were particulary helpful. They are:

The Enduring Authority of the Christian Scriptures edited by Donald Carson and Redeeming Science: A God-Centered Approach by Vern S. Poythress

The second book was on cosmonogy, the study of the origin of the cosmos. I found this helpful for deepening my faith and answering questions.

My take-away for hermeneutics and spiritual formation:

Until recently, I had not understood the importance of the elements of interpretation, nor had I fully understood the crucial place of literary context, historical-cultural background, word meanings, and genres in the interpretation of Scripture. I had not understood how often metaphors and allegories affect meaning, or the great importance in understanding the Old Testament in interpreting the New Testament. Before this class, I had not been clear in how to best determine from a text’s locution, the author’s illocution, and his perlocution. I have had my own intuitive understandings of an author’s intent, but not one that I could clearly explain or consistently apply. As I gain further understanding of the authors’ and original hearers’ backgrounds, the immediate context of the authors’ writings, and finally the texts’ place in the entire Canon of Scripture, I can better ascertain accurate meaning. This process helps me know how to better apply God’s Word to my life as I seek to understand the transcending principles and commands. I have also become more aware of the presuppositions I carry into my interpretation of Scripture, which helps me be more objective as I seek to discern true meanings of Scripture. 

I am more alert to the tools for interpretation and my responsibility to use these tools with great care and integrity—After all, it is the Word of God. I take this responsibility seriously and feel better equipped to ascertain meaning. I noticed that I had been guilty too often of proof-texting in lessons—finding scriptures to back up what I wanted to say, which can often distort meaning, wanting a scripture to say something that it did not actually say.

The information on cosmonogy helps me gain confidence in ways to approach conversations with unbelievers who use science to discredit the Bible. I was recently sitting next to a non-believing physicist while on a transatlantic flight, feeling ill-equipped at points during our conversation. While I shared of meaning and purpose in my life, a marriage and family I would recommend to anyone, and meaningful, involved relationships within my church family (all which speak volumes)— I did not have logical clarity concerning the way science is necessarily personal and follows God’s laws. These facts can’t be denied, though I am sure they will continue to be ignored by many because faith is a moral issue—there is sufficient evidence for belief. 

My deepest conviction, which has only increased from this class on Biblical interpretation, is that God’s Word is alive and active. It is inspired by God, and the intricacies and nuances of the literary construction, the settings, and the genres only confirm the extraordinary lengths and methods God has gone to and has used to communicate with us. The more I learn about the literary contexts of the Scriptures and the myriad ways the Old Testament remains such a vital backdrop to understanding the New Testament and God’s redemption story—my faith expands. 

Christian Theology

I was not looking forward to this class. I thought it would be too “heady” and philosophical, but instead I found it fascinating. I studied the Doctrine of God, looking at His qualities and then studied the theology of the Trinity. I studied creation and the Holy Spirit, Humanity and Jesus Christ, the theology of salvation, the Kingdom of God and Eternal Life, the church, gifts, and sacraments. No little topics there!

I journaled some thoughts on this study of theology:

As a woman prepared dinner for her friend, she cut off the end portion of the ham she was planning to serve. She placed the ham on a pan and put it in the oven. Her friend inquired as to why she cut off a portion of the ham before cooking. The woman explained that this was the way she was taught to bake a ham. Later, the woman asked her mother, whom she had watched cook ham, the reason for the cut. Her mother replied, “My pan was smaller than my ham, so I had to cut it in order for it to fit in the pan.”

This story reminds me of the way one’s theology is often formed—holding to beliefs, but not knowing why they hold to their beliefs. Through my readings, I am now more aware of the many layers underlying my beliefs and convictions. Without understanding these layers, I, nor anyone else, can defend beliefs. Though I believe that God is revealed primarily through the Scriptures, I realize other questions must be asked such as: What is the role of revelation in presence? In experience? In history? And what role does tradition play in our beliefs? (Matthew 15:3-6 contains some of Jesus’ strongest warnings about dangers of religious tradition.) Also, important distinctions in interpretation must be made between the role of church tradition exercising authority over the Scriptures and discerning the texts’ existing authority (McGrath, 111)—and in understanding allegories and metaphors.

The study of theology reminds me of “new math.” Intuitively, I know how to work math problems, yet I can find it annoying or difficult to explain how I got the answer—thus, I find “new math” cumbersome. However, I can peel back the layers to better understand, and thus explain, how I arrive at my solution—or my theology. Christian theology helps me understand the formation of various belief systems and better prepare myself to answer for my beliefs (1 Peter 3:15).  The “Wesleyan Quadrilateral,” of Scripture, tradition, reason, and religious experience (104) provides a good starting point for sifting through such layers of beliefs.

Thinking minds have struggled throughout centuries with similar thoughts and questions to those of today. Whether they are labeled rational discipline, enlightenment rationalism, or postmodernism, man has continued to question the meanings of God and life. Theologians, from Augustine to Luther, and philosophers, from Plato to Kant, have argued these meanings. Yet, philosophy can be useful to theology, as Augustine and Justin Martyr espouse (152). Paul’s conversation with the Athenians in Acts 17 shows a friendly relationship between philosophy and theology.

At the heart of many arguments in theology (in my opinion) are humanism and human pride—trying to explain God rather than honoring and obeying God. “The fool says in his heart there is no God” (Psalm 14:1). I believe one cannot say this with their mind—it’s a moral issue. While understanding is important to securing beliefs, we are not God, and according to the Scriptures, God’s thoughts are beyond ours (Isaiah 55:8-9; 1 Cor. 2:1-14).  Thomas Aquinas’ “Five Ways,” (McGrath, 158) resonated with me as helpful discussion points for engaging non-believers.

The study of theology is valuable for evaluation and deepening of personal convictions, and for gaining insight into the formation of all belief systems. Natural science and theology are compatible, in my opinion. Science has data because of what God has created and set in motion. Barbour, in his comparison of science and religion defines religious data as characteristic experiences, stories, and rituals (Barbour, 115) as he explores paradigms of thinking.

As theologians recount possibilities of what can be said and known about God, it seems clear that God desires to make himself known. In all the theological debates, the person of Jesus, who as the Scriptures states, is God in the flesh (John 1:14) and rose from the dead, is the climax to all theological questions raised. We all must answer the question Pilate posed when he asked, “What shall I do then, with Jesus, who is called Christ?” (Matthew 27:22).  Otherwise, if not careful, He can be discussed and analyzed more than honored, followed, and obeyed. 

 I will also include an excerpt on a journal concerning the Holy Spirit. I have attached the full article as well:

I paused at Pinnock’s warning in the introduction to his book, The Spirit’s Fire: “We have placed emphasis on the sermon and the clergy at the expense of the Spirit…Many appear afraid of the Spirit, lest their worlds be shaken and they be swept up into God’s sabbath play. So often we set up barriers to the Spirit and stifle the voices that speak to us of openness and celebration.”[1] This rings true to me, so I ask myself, “How might my life change if I become more constantly aware of the Spirit of God in my life?” I think I would listen more to the Spirit’s call. Unfortunately, many theologians have discounted the Word of God through elevating experience over the Word of God. While we can’t ignore doctrinal truths inspired by God for teaching, correcting, and training—as we are reminded in Scriptures such as 2 Timothy 3:14-17 and Matthew 28:20, we must not let fear of the Spirit’s calling keep us from listening.

I must listen more. Longer. I so quickly “do,” that I can fail to hear. The Spirit will put things on my heart (to energize, comfort, commune, direct, and convict), first by reading God’s Word and then through prayerful listening to the Spirit of God. “Spirit is the Bible’s way of speaking of what we would call the transcendent power of creation.”[2]

Church History 2

I twitch a little when I remember this class. I loved it, but wow, was it fast-paced. My mouth was full-on attached to the fire hydrant with my body flying horizontally as water gushed out. This class covered history from the Reformation on. Though I know church doctrine often became derailed from Scripture, instead of judgment I focused on learning what I could from each time period and the leaders involved, both in things I need to add to my life, as well as thinking and behavior to avoid. I noted the pride and ego that so easily befalls church leaders throughout history, and this is sobering. I also gained great respect for the courage of the Reformers and Radical Reformers, the Pietists, and the Anabaptists. I was challenged by many of their courageous faithful risks and their immovable focus on filling the world with the teaching of Jesus. I include several paragraphs taken from a journal on thoughts gleaned from studying the life of John Wesley.

Dissipation was the distraction from wholehearted devotion to Christ toward things of the world. It is a “forgetting” of God due to distractions of the world.[3] It is dangerous to the Christian life because God moves from the center to the periphery, where for all practical purposes one lives as if there is no God.[4] Classes and bands aided Methodists in their growth because in smaller groups they could be involved in each other’s lives and hold each other accountable for growth as they counseled, corrected, comforted, and exhorted one other.[5] The Lord’s Supper reminded early Methodists what God had done for them, what he was doing in them, and what he would do for them.[6] They were to receive it because it was a “command of God” and a “mercy to man,”[7] At the table, all could come into the presence of Christ.[8]

Wesley’s incorporation of the Holy Spirit is woven throughout his theology. I find his view of sanctification refreshing as he focuses on God’s transforming work in our lives and our response to such involvement. Wesley is clear that what one believes must be reflected in the way they live life; otherwise, it is empty religion. Because his theology focuses on a transforming relationship with God through the Spirit, he leaves me inspired by what God wants to do through me and for me. His theology offers hope for continual growth without carrying the burden of guilt. His call for self-denial and wholehearted devotion comes from an intrinsic desire to please a God with who we can have a relationship. This relationship is what sustains me on my Christian journey. Wesley’s focus on relationship with God and others calls for a Christian’s desperate need for community. As I read of his societies and bands, I felt encouraged by my church’s practice which expects every member to be involved in a small group so they can love and be loved, grow, reach out to the lost around them, and serve the needy. I believe this has made such a difference in the wholehearted devotion of many in my church, a church of 2,000 but made up of small groups and regions. I realize many practices in my church today spring from his understanding and teachings of the Scriptures.

Coming up:

Part 2:

Spiritual Formation in Community

Christian Spirituality

Old Testament

New Testament

Models of Discipleship

Part 3:

Elements of Spiritual Formation

Internship  

Spiritual Vocation and Integration

Part 4:

Life Stages in Spiritual Formation

Cyber Theology

Part 5:  My Doctoral Program: A whole new world

Prolegomena in Spiritual Formation and Discipleship (beginning in Kansas City)

Reading Nouwen with His Sources

Community – The Ecology of Faith Formation (beginning in San Diego and Mexico)

Faith Formation in the 21st century

Spiritual Direction: Living with Questions in a Complicated World

Formation and Pilgrimage (beginning in Ireland)

Dissertation

Part 6:

What were your favorite memories?

How much time was involved?

What now?

[1]  Henry H. Knight III, John Wesley: Optimist of Grace (Eugene, OR: Cascade Publishing, 2018), 11.

[2] John Wesley, 25.

[3] John Wesley, 80.

[4] John Wesley, 79-80.

[5] John Wesley, 81.

[6] John Wesley, 87.

[7] John Wesley, 85.

[8] John Wesley, 86.