Wednesday Wisdom With Wyndham – 20

Wisdom asks “So how was the ride home?”

Often, as we have had opportunities to help couples with challenges in their marriages we have observed unresolved issues from the past which continue to cause troubling relational dynamics in the present. Our marriage counseling sessions would always begin and end with prayer, and were filled with applications of the Scriptures as they related to real life challenges the couples faced.

When one person hurts another we have learned the importance of verbalized apologies. Real apologies. Ones that do not contain the words “but” or “because” or “I’m sorry if you feel like I…” or anything else that deflects personal responsibility. For a real apology merely focuses on taking personal responsibility for something that hurt or wronged another. We have learned that it’s not only important for one who has hurt another to apologize, but it is also important for the hurt person to verbally state, “I forgive you.” Resolution is key. Otherwise, feelings fester and turn into bitterness.

When apologies and forgiveness happen the way God intends for them to happen spirits are refreshed. Often in these sessions, tears of relief and reconciliation were enjoyed by the couples and by us.

However, wisdom knows that reconciliation is deeper than words and must penetrate the heart in order to truly overcome harmful dynamics. Over and over, as we would meet couples for follow-up sessions, Wyndham would wisely ask the question,

“So how was the ride home after the last session?” 

The ride home often tells the story. Anger, “I can’t believe you said….,” or silence showed that the “reconciliation” was mere words—not from deep in the heart. Luke 6:45 tells us that our words expose our hearts.

  The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

It’s the ride home, it’s what we say to ourselves or to a spouse or friend that shows whether we are really resolved, or whether we have just said what we think was expected of us, or what would make the conversation end.

The ride home is what really matters. Repentance and forgiveness begin in the heart. Then, the right words follow. Next time you attempt to reconcile a relationship use God’s wisdom to search your heart and ask—So how is my ride home?

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  1. Annie Rivera Jeter

    Jeanie that is a great question. After much counseling that was the hardest thing for me. The ride home since I never knew how it would be on the car. Thanks for pointing this out. So grateful for these days of wisdom.

  2. kela karaj

    I liked this one. It can also apply to the time after dtime. How is my after dtime? 

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

  3. Debbie Mackie

    So true!! Wise words for sure!


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About Jeanie Shaw

After retiring from forty-five years in full-time ministry, Jeanie Shaw went back to school to earn her master’s and doctorate in spiritual formation and discipleship. She also serves as a certified Christian life coach who loves helping people discover the joy, peace, and purpose that come from finding and following God’s plan for their lives. She has taught classes and workshops all over the world and has written numerous books. She has four grown children, eight grandchildren, and a golden retriever who thinks he is human. When she is not reading, writing, coaching, teaching, or enjoying her family she might be found walking along rivers, learning new lessons about life.

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